Chapter 1 – WTF…
August 10, 2004 “Hey Shawn. I have read this email like 10 times now and I still really don’t know how to respond back. I am sorry for all the hurtful things I say to you also. I just don’t know what to do and what to think anymore. I am miserably unhappy and have to do something to make things better for me. I have been trying to exercise more and to do more reading and praying. That is helping me some. I appreciate your patience and kindness to me. I do care for you and am so happy that you have beat Hep C. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be there for you during all that, it was just that I was so mad, angry, frustrated, and hurt that you had it that I didn’t know how to handle it. I hope you can understand that. I feel like I have been pushed so far away from you. I know part of this has been because I distanced myself from you. I felt like I had to distance myself to keep my sanity. I really felt like I was going crazy and was going to fall off the deep end. Do you realize I was hiding toothbrushes and razors everywhere because I was so scared. I am just really having a hard time coming back around. Don’t think I haven’t tried because I have. I have worried for my own safety and have been deeply worried about the most precious thing being taken away from me, which is being able to have babies. I know you have had a hard time understanding me on this issue but I could never purposely take the chance of passing something deadly onto my baby. That is why I have had to put all kinds of barriers to protect myself. I know this might sound so totally far out there to you but I hope you can change positions with me and see where I am coming from on all this. I am trying to express how I feel in this email because that seems to be the majority of what is wrong with us. I hope this helps. I think I do better in writing than I do in talking. I am going to keep trying. I am going to get Hailey tomorrow (friday) during the day and I’ll bring her back to you on sunday or monday, whatever is better for you. I may take her sleeping bag so she has something to sleep on. Did you ever get her groomed again? How is she doing on her heart worm and frontline? Talk to you later. Write me back.”
Okay…so I would be lying if I told you that this letter doesn’t bother me still today. I wanted to share it with you so that you can get a really good taste of the ignorance surrounding Hepatitis C. This email was from my ex-wife a few weeks after I received my 24 week viral count test six months into treatment.
I pray that your significant other or lover will be more understanding and rational. She had already been told by my gastroenterologist numerous times that the chances of transmission were extremely slim. Plus being together for five years and fact that after testing she had no trace of the virus in her system bore no weight in convincing her.
All that being said, my un-mailed response email said…
“Thanks for nothing, you immature apathetic cheating bitch. I guess you were thinking about your lovely French manicure when the priest said, – In sickness and in health…I should have known this wasn’t going to work out when the Unity candle refused to light. Say Hi to your married sugar daddy boss. How is that POS redneck in the sack anyway?”
Alas, I had more self control than that. I ended up sending a very gentle email requesting more clarification on some of the finer points in her diatribe. Don’t worry, I will give you more on that story later. My first concern is more about helping you with this book.
For those of you who live for the juicier details, I promise I won’t leave you hanging. You can find the rest of this story in the “When Relationships Go Bad” chapter found at the end of this book.
So how did this crazy mess get started?
